You know that gypsy with the gold-capped tooth. — Doc: So it’s called Love Potion №9, it’s part of a clinical trial right now for maximum in-love-ness, to be technical. Don’t mess with this stuff — it’s potent and totally legal for the time being. If you’re interested in the clinical trial, there’s a strong chance of not only…

There was a man in Michigan, yes, in Michigan. As the saying goes “You are a product of your meat, or you are a meat of your product”. He loved, loved, loved to eat red meat and walk the streets to digest. He truly was a Michigander. He kissed like…

(For Aunt Sonja, whom I love) — Sister Katherine was born with a degenerative tooth disease affecting one singular tooth. As a result, she had one front tooth glaringly missing. Sister Katherine, against all odds, did not give a shit. She smiled big and wide for all to see her Beverly Hillbillies-esque detail. …

It’s the name of the game. — At 2 AM there is a Del Taco box, heavy with manna. It sits on a boy outfitted as Oscar the Grouch. He’s come here ready to consume. The “Del” life is full of scenes such as this. Vignettes of time and place mixed with marijuana, always ending up at…

This was not a Hail Mary. — As I rest on my laurels of a well-deserved “hump day”, I stare at my Persian rug. I ponder the forthcoming weekend and the former. I am a teenage dirt bag, high on life — and other things. In retrospect, I should not have shown up in that state, but…

A tribute to the best bitch — This dog-eat-dog world has taken one of its best bitches, the miniature Maltese Poodle, Coco. She lived long, and it was inevitable, but it’s still hard to take. We all become as the earth one day, dirt trodden under foot, but Coco was different; an eternal pearl and the wind…

Between Two Confused Lovers — Woman: “I’ve been thinking of starting that wallpaper project.” Man: “I think something isn’t working.” Woman: “With the dishwasher? Or are you referring to the wallpaper?” Man: “You make me uneasy. You’ve been making me uneasy.” Woman: “Huh. When were you going to mention this? You haven’t been transparent with…

Dearest Valentine, Despite the perversion of Valentine’s Day with the selling of cheap teddy bears and chalky chocolates, I want to take the time today to tell you how I feel about you, my male pattern baldness lover. Let me, dare I say, “shoot my shot”. You have charmed me…